My Mother & Father

This here is my Father & Mother and of course me. What I love most about this picture, is the time frame it is from. These 2 pictures are taken in 1977. I love that everything is so so drab and dull. The flatness of color matches the mood of that time and emotion just pours right off the picture. Now why did I say emotion? Because you would never know how fucked up these 2 adults really were and to make matters worse, they had me & my sister. Growing for my mother was a horror story alone. She is the last generation of an orphan. My Mother never made it past 3rd grade because she was forced to work like wash clothes and dishes at a young age. Im not sure what happened through her teen years, but I can imagine that my mother one day said "fuck it, enough is enough" judging by her character. Rene (my moms) had found the streets and never left them. My experience growing up under her roof is pretty fucking out there. Ive seen her con game, her clepto side, her drunk/drugs side and the best of all was the mother deep down inside. My mother was the best mother of all. she always took care of me and made sure I ate. She always talked to me and would say things like dont be a follower. Be a leader and stay away from this and that because its bad. She really cared about me and did the best she could, but the reality of it all was quite nasty. She was fucked up on shooting dope and smoking crack. Renee stayed drinking beer and popping pills on the way back from her program (methadone clinic). Back in the 80's, My mother took me to just about every dope spot there was in Manhattan and boy was I frightened as a little kid. as I got a little older, Moms would keep me out to all hours of the night. Her hang out was a place called Needle Park on the Upper West. The people who hung out here were, trannys, weed pushers, junkies and all other low lifes. Here in needle park is where I have started my life as a pupil, not to have realised the valuable lessons soon to be learned. Although my Mother had a lot of problems in the short amount of time we spent together, it was rich in knowledge, love and life saving lessons. To this day I hold those things she has said in my heart and live my life by it. All the things I learned from my Mother is what I have built my foundation of life on. Mom I love you and your always with me. I know I have made you proud! As for my father. Another loser. He had his shit together a little better. He was quiet and he did not a dam thing. I dont know too much about him, but what I do know is this. He has served his country honorably in Nam. Then he was a Postal worker. I always wondered what had gone wrong. You know, besides the drugs and shit. I am amazed that my parents made it 4 years that I know about. I did just find out that my father was married before he met my mom and just dipped on his 1st family, That makes sense why they hated my mom, Meaning my Fathers family. My dad was not around much. I remember going down to my moms program down on 23rd st at Belvue hospital and we would always run into my Father. This is because he was living in a mens shelter at the V.A. hospital. I remember a few times I saw him then he vanished into thin air. I gotta say this! Im not mad at him. I dont blame him for leaving although it is not right to do. In his case he could not take care of him self so how can he take care of someone else. The only thing I ever want from him was to find him and let him see who his son has become. Someone to be proud of. I wanted to let him know more then anything ever that I was not mad at him. I never got that chance though. I come across information that he just passed away not to long ago. I do not regret one moment of them being by parents. I have learned a lot from them about how not to be and how to raise a child the right way and for this I am thankful for that. Also what has made my mother such a great person was her growing up in NYC. My Mother & Father are both from Puerto Rico, but grew up here in NYC.
The Old New York as I once knew it, Made a man out you. It gave you much character and a back bone. Old Blue Eyes said it best "if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere".

Now that I am older I wish my mother was still around. You dont realise what you have until its gone.