Emotions Of An Old New Yorker...

With the changes of time, NYC has left me feeling quite empty. Friends have changed along with the way NYC looks and there is almost no familiar feelings left of this place. I guess the only thing I have left to hold on to is old memories, pictures & a hand full of true friends that I have shared my growing up in NYC with. At least that cant be taken away from me. I have tried to except the way things are and that change is inevitable. 

The only problem is that I just cant buy into the BULL SHIT that surrounds me. Also by default of being an Old New Yorker, it is only natural for me to buck at the shit in life I just dont agree with and the way New York has become, its horrible. There is absolutely nothing left that can genuinely sooth me in away like the Old New York did. When I was a kid, I would ride the trains for fun and now that isnt an option. The trains are so impersonal compared to how they were as a kid. I use to love the way the lights went off & on and how the express would rocket through the stations faster then you could imagine. You know, as a kid riding the trains made me feel grown and in a weird way gave me a sense of feeling confident. Riding between cars, throwing crazy late night parties in the last car unplanned. Hopping the train was a gamble, but it was always an adventure. Almost a right of passage as a youth growing up in NYC. 

In todays world all the fun has been removed form New York. The Old New York had character with a heart & soul and a heart beat like no other place in the world. We were feared by many and at the same time loved by everyone. People were drawn to NYC for all the right reasons and that would be to make a somebody out of them selves. Man do I miss the edginess of the Old New York, the drab matte colors of NYC and the photos that preserve all of it in time. Something about it gave things a real feel for that time. It just made so much sense that pictures and things of color lacked that luster that things of money can buy you today. The drab went perfect with the burned down bronx and the rapid use of crack in a fucked up city that almost went broke. But through out all of this, New Yorkers didnt let it get them down. Instead all types of shit was born from the emotions that was invoked on a broke city full of talent. From all of these emotions, the Old New York that I know & loved was created. Since then, there has not been a movement like so. I feel like everything that has been created in the recent years will never stand the test of time. No new buildings are at a level worth land marking in the future, the music that is made now in 10 years people wont remember except for a few. Nothing on t.v. will be made into re runs down the line like the Honey Mooners or Tom & Jerry. 

We all have something or another we like to watch that probably are parents watched as a kid as well. Sign of the times right! A very sad state it is. I find my self wanting to move so bad away from this place they dare to call NYC still, but like a train wreck I cant bare to leave like someone that just cant seem to turn and look the other way. Still you have to see the wreck for your on eyes. I stay in hopes of somethings not changing and holding on to the little that is left. At one point & time, there was not a place I couldnt go with out running into someone I knew. If you grew up here you know what Im talking about. In the circles I travel in, we are the who's who & we make the shit go round for others. We as New Yorkers use to set the standards for others and Influence worlds away. Now outta towners come here and set the standards for whats cool. I just dont get the tight pants still & never will. I wish we could be in the 90 so I can hand out a couple of beatings to well deserved people. That was one good thing back then, you could have a fight with someone with the hands and the loser just excepted it and went about there way. Today, you just look at someone wrong and there calling the cops. Even the graffiti in NYC is not NYC. I would say more graffiti done now is by a non New Yorker which is sad to me. We really have let are city slip away from us. I dont know any more what Im fighting for, but I just cant seem to give up on New York or at least the New York that I once knew. Old New York will always live on through me, my heart and a few others. I will pass what I have to my kids and hope that it can live on through them. Instead of I LOVE NY, I now LOVE TO HATE NYC. Sad, but true. FUCK YOU!