Hell On Earth

     I have so much to say, but yet nothing comes out. A million emotions race through me at a non stop rate. Its like one emotion is beating up the other emotion to get out. Its crazy, a fuck'n Royal Rumble of emotions, yes thats EXACTLY what it is. Ive been trying to paint, write & be productive in terms of producing peaces of art. Originally I learned to paint from all the pain & suffering in my life. Its a big part of me being able to cope & reset my mental clock. My life was filled with (what more then the average can handle) abuse. So the painting helped a lot to escape to another place and leave it all behind.

     And then there came a point where I fixed a lot of issues in my life, persevered & have moved up in the structure of adulthood. As you get older you should be doing a lit bit better the next year. So now that Im happy in life, I wasn't able to paint anymore and produce art work, because now Im painting from a un failure place and I didn't know how. As time goes on I figured it out and that too, I have stepped up my craft.

     So as time goes by, life is like a roller coaster ride, you encounter many ups & downs and for me Im in a place were I have become stagnant. Im beginning to not be able to produce because of some  things I'm going through personally. I have a daughter thats 14 & Im going through the emotions of a little girl becoming a young lady in her own right, but just a little to quick for me. She has the knowledge, but lacks the know how that comes from the actual experience of life. Shit thats enough right there to throw you off, but over all I know I have done well with my daughter. With all this going on it has me struggling to produce.

     Today (01/30/15) I woke up from a dream that was more then a dream. It was a portal from the after life and my mother & grand father came to visit me in a very odd setting, too difficult to describe. Non the less they came at a time in my life when it is needed. My mother came to remind me of my past. All that I have gone through, the struggles, bad times and her drug problems. It wasn't to make me sad & drag me down, but to motivate & remind me what I have over come and have accomplished in life. And my grandfather came to let me know he was proud of me, that I was an HONORABLE man. He was aware of my accomplishments and that I was not done. To keep pushing forward, I have more to over come. Only my grandfather hugged me in the dream and I know it was real because it was that exact feeling every time he hugged  has me. I just know it was.

     New York City has always been a beast. Except for now its more of a financial beast then a survival of the fittest beast. Never the less life doesn't slow down for no one. That bitch just don't give a fuck about you, she is cruel and will throw everything at you including the shitty ass toilet too. The one thing I can say is that being raised in that raw Old New York era & overcoming the odds has prepared me for what ever that bitch can throw.

     In life its so easy to get caught up in the rat race when things fall out of whack. Its like working a production line and they turn up the pace on that bitch. It becomes harder to keep up and thats what living in NYC is beginning to feel like. I ask my self continuously what am I fighting for? I just don't know any other way but to keep fighting. I guess in this life you go through all the pain & suffering until there is no more and you die. I just hope 1 there is a next life &amp 2 that its pain free and the greatest thing ever. Until then, Ill just keep going through the motions and lessons of life.



         
   
   

OLD NEW YORK 2015

     2015 Tryna hop back on that horse, with a new year should come some up grades in your life. Never sit stagnant. With that said, I know when I started this blog, I was a very angry person.

at the time I had a lot going on in my life. Life was full of painful moments, but with the right women in my life I was able to push forward and become a stronger man.

As you get older you should be growing as a person and minimizing the drama. Life is suppose to be easier as you get older, but it all depends on what you put into it.

     Its crazy to see my culture become so relevant in the millennium. I mean if you would've told me that this Polo culture & Graffiti would be as big as it is now I would have never believed it, just like if I wasn't there to see it for my self, my chilld... I wouldn't believe any of the stories I have to tell or the ones my friends have to tell. 

    As most know, I am from the UWS, but I have been in Brooklyn since 1993 so I claim BK all day Kidd. In the recent news, they were talking about the UWS. How mom and pop stores are disappearing because of high rents. They just can't compete with that corporate dollar. So ultimately these stores get ate up. So what has shaped the UWS much less New York are disappearing. Ultimately these stores are the essence of what New York is or rather was. It saddens me. Personally amongst others, they are erasing my past and childhood. I know I have it in my heart and the stories with pictures, but its not the same as going back to the old hood, going into stores and see people that have seen you grow up. Those are the people that are comprised as my family growing up.

     I see the similar things going on around me on a parallel level. For an outsider It can look foolish as hell even retarded and what Im talkn about is this Polo culture. But Its who some of are as people. It has put money on the table for a lot of us at times, allowed us to get fresh to death and show who we are as an individual and as a group. Its no different then the 80's. This is what was spawned from it and transformed with the time, but keeping that same essence of a true New York feel. Its amazing to see how this Lo Life culture has grown world wide and influence hip hop as well. Its great to see new people get on board who are genuine, thats what keeps the movement moving. 

     

     With the pro's comes the cons (and before I go further, Ima throw a quick side bar in here... In any culture or even in general, life & your job, people new to the game or to a position at work don't just show up and try to run things. You learn and build a place for your self along with a reputation & respect. You earn your way which is the honorable thing to do). But in real life you have groupies & frauds. So now that you can easily go out and buy what ever pieces to be a big time player in the game, you got frauds front'n like they been down for years with this new found respect falsely earned and some aren't even old enough to make that claim. That shit kills me. Growing up you had to earn respect & put that work in to be down in this culture. Shit if you was a fraud you found out real quick. You just got ya shit jacked. I can remember dudes get jacked for stupid shit like Jansport strings, now that Im older, what the fuck kind of shit was that. Ni99as got hurt behind that. Listen, like I said its great that you have new comers. It helps to preserve the culture and make it stronger and possibly open doors for some. But these new comers gotta play their part and the old timers need to put dudes in their lanes. At one point, not just anyone could throw claims with out putting in work. It just didn't happen that way and honestly I just don't see how it happens now. 

    Doesn't anyone have some sort of pride in them selves to just be them. Your a much better person that way. This day & age mother fuckas be living in a dream land believing their own lies & shit. Then you got your hand shakes from the fakes as my lady would say. Yo if I don't fuck with you, then that means I don't fuck with you. I can be in the same place at the same time & still be cool. Just you do you & ill do what I do, but fools be wanting to smile and take pictures with one another and call each other brother and sister. Then when your not there, they talking mad shit, throw subliminals on social media at one another. Just keep it real homie, you don't gotta like me and I don't gotta like you. Whats sad is that most of these type of people, if you took away their social status, they would have no life and be a nobody. Ill tell you this straight up, None of the social cirlces I run in define me as a person. I have defined my self by the trials & tribulations I have been through. Being true to who I am and putting in that work. I let my actions speak for it self. But what defines me most is the father I am to my children and the amount of growth in my life.

     When it comes to graffiti, the true essence is being lost. Growing up, we all learned from someone. The history, style and secrets were past along from some sort of mentor. Styles were past on along with knowledge to become a master of your craft. When it came to graffiti, notoriety was the end result of mastering your craft. First you had to learn how to make your own tools, where to get supplies from and how to execute all of these trades to only then go out and bomb. To get caps, you had to do a lot of walking, going to stores & pop tops. Paint, markers and stickers, racked. And now its all stripped away by companies taking that leg work out the game. O.G.'s still resort to the old methods,  but others can get what they need now at a store, fuck they even have spray paint thats made especially for graffiti. I mean for me, graffiti was all about the mission you go on and being able to execute a plan put together and the relationships that are built along the way.  These days you have people who just paint legal walls, the internet giving instant fame w/o put'n in work all tryna front. Its crazy, just like with all that Polo shit. Fools entering a culture under false pretenses and no work put into the game. Straight culture jacking. At least for my self, I feel blessed to have been apart of what I was, growing up. Shit was more stand up and honorable then the times today. With that said, Happy New Years. Make that new years resolution to keep it real to your self cause you frauds are not fooling anyone.