Dear Mother, its been 24 years since we last spoke and it wasn't a good conversation either. I had said some hurtful things and it wasn't right of me. I was too young to know, understand and just know how important you really were/are.
See my mother was all fucked up on drugs and that meant there was only so much she could do. Although she was fucked up, my mother always did for me first then everything after. Mother, I want you to know that I wouldn't trade you for any other Mother in the world. I would gladly go through all the pain & suffering all over. You have raised me well by showing me what not to do and explaining why. You let me see 1st hand & hid nothing. You were Women enough to be honest about things in life that you did that was bad and explain why not to do them. The rights from wrongs and how to be the better person. You have giving me something that most kids will never get.
100% Honesty, most parents hide the truth in order to protect their kids. My mother didn't, She took me everywhere, if she hung out till 2, 3am, I was right there with her. She would take me with her to cop drugs uptown all over harlem and it was nuts. I look back and wonder how she never got caught while I was with her. My mother used to rack shit with me all the time, I hated you for that mother. I also hated that you copped drugs on blocks where kids I went to school with would see. And for that I had no friends, I got made fun of joked about always. I mean life was all fucked up. I was just fresh off a 5 yr bid of the fucked up foster care system of the 80's. Foster Care at its finest. So here I am surrounded by Junkies, Hoes, Crack Heads, Pimps and everything under the sun. As I got a little older, I started to understand my surrounding and of course the friends I had were My mothers adult friends.
Mother, you have giving me a life filled with knowledge, stories, and experiences that few and far could imagine but only see it in a movie. Thank you for making me a strong person, a kind and loving person, yet you have also shown me how to turn off the world & be as cold as ice as well. You have really shown me everything in life good & bad and for that I thank you. I now know that you forgive me for the things I have said and the way I have treated you in the end. I love you, feel your presences here on earth everyday and know you guide me always. I know I have done very well by you also and thats because of you.
So for those that don't know... Always Love Ya Motha, Cuz You'll Never Have Another. Once you lose her, she is gone for good. I had thought I hated my mother for all the wrong she has done in my life and I had wished her dead and told her Fuck You as well. I also said I hope I never see you again... And I didn't. 3 years later she died. It destroyed me. The first thing that came to mind was YOU WILL NEVER HAVE ANOTHER MOTHER AGAIN. That shit fucked me up for a long time. Im glad I was finally be able to put a close to it in my life and move on. So, Happy Mothers Day & love your mother for she put you here on this earth if nothing else.
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